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| Written by Yvonne | |
| Thursday, 22 January 2009 | |
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Overcoming Overwhelm August 2010
I hate wishing my time away. You know, it's stinking hot this summer. It's really easy to be wishing for crisp fall weather. I love everything about fall, but I'm working on enjoying the here and now: the present.
You, too, may be struggling with wishing something unpleasant was over; ready to move forward. There is a time for that, but sometimes we need a change in perspective.
That brings me to the huge error I committed a few weeks ago. It wiped out all of my digital records; personal, business and family records. There were important medical records, as well as business records that may never be recouped.
I told you the sad story of my PC breakdown which could easily have been my own breakdown. I made a conscious decision to view this optimistically. "It will be like starting all over with a clean slate," I told myself. So far, it's working even though it's increased my workload to re-create the many documents I used regularly.
I tell you my personal experience to encourage you to begin to look at those overwhelming issues in your life as an opportunity to improve your perspective. Wayne Dyer says it this way, "If you don't like the way something looks, change the way you look at it."
Easier said than done, let me assure you. Maybe this little story will help.
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside."That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."
What we see depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
Is there something in your life that needs a change of perspective, a window washed, an attitude adjustment, or a new perception of reality? It could be a job that has lost interest for you...it doesn't meet your potential or purpose, but it pays the bills right now.
Try to put a positive spin on your circumstance. This may take some brainstorming with a friend, spouse or coach. It may require you to let go of a short term goal to free up emotional space for a longer term goal. Let me know what you decide works best for you.
June 6, 2010
Coaching Deliverables
Following is a list of what you can expect me to deliver at different times during a coaching call. Which would be the most effective with your behavior style?
ADVICE
ACCOUNTABILITY
CARE AND CONCERN
CHALLENGE
ENERGY AND MOTIVATION
FEEDBACK
KNOWLEDGE
OPINIONS
PROVOCATIVE CONVERSATION
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
SAFE ENVIRONMENT
STRUCTURE
TRUTH AS I SEE IT
RESOURCES
REVEAL HIDDEN POTENTIAL
REFERRALS
TRAINING
VALIDATION
In addition to what you can expect me to deliver, the types of conversations we will have vary from call to call. Which ones appeal to you the most?
SHARING – Who you are at the moment
DEBRIEFING – What you’ve been doing
VENTING – What’s troubling you
DISCUSSING – Expressing views and opinions
TEACHING – Sharing what I know
COACHING – Exploring options
LISTENING –Hearing your heart
Ready to get started? Email me at
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to set a time for a complimentary discussion to move you forward.
May 2010 Endurance
We sailed around South America to get to Jim’s life goal of visiting every continent. The last continent was Antarctica. I had resisted this trip. It sounded way too harsh a climate for this girl raised in the south. I often joked: “You go to Antarctica and I’ll go to Florida.” I’m glad Jim didn’t give up on his dream and that I was able to share it.
We were south of Porto Mont, Chile, with a couple days at sea when I remembered the book: The Endurance, Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition. I found it in the ship’s library. This should be required reading for anyone going to Antarctica, but even more so for leaders managing rapid change. Sir Ernest Shackleton was captain of the ship: the Endurance. The name came from his family motto: Fortitudine Vincimus (by endurance we conquer). This motto became the guiding force that drove him.
He chose his men for their endurance and attitude; could they adapt and did they have an optimistic way of thinking? One of his most fortuitous decisions in staffing was to have a photographer in the crew. His well preserved photos stored in tins give us glimpses of the men who survived two years in the harshest of conditions.
The Endurance set sail in 1914, but was trapped in pack ice and eventually crushed. The men were forced to live on ice flows, eventually eating seals and penguins to stay alive. This amazing story of survival is a lesson to those who lead in today’s changing environments. Shackleton’s original goal was to cross Antarctica from sea to sea. This fell by the wayside as his objective became keeping his men alive, encouraged, and to get them home. He is lauded as a role model for leaders, because he did not lose a man.
How can this exciting exploration benefit you as a professional? Crises and disappointments are inevitable during times of rapid change. Careers, businesses, ministries and relationships can sink especially if we let bitterness, discouragement, or fear pull us down when hardships strike. Whatever the initial reaction, we need to counter adversity with resilience: the capacity to respond quickly and constructively when crises arise. Pep-talks rarely work long-term and neither do ongoing expressions of empathy and reassurance. Instead, coaching and effective resilience building reinforce resolve. Adopt a collaborative approach, working with others to develop an inquisitive, interactive environment that stimulates options and possibilities.
April 2010 Letting Go Why is it so hard to do?
In a coaching session this week, my client was leaning toward a break up with a business partner. He had at first politely tolerated his partner's behavior. As we moved through the coaching process, he decided the relationship was draining his energy. It was a heavy weight dragging him down, but something he had willingly tolerated...hoping things would get better.
As we worked through his frustration, he came to the realization that letting go of this relationship would free up productive energy that had been drained by the strain. It reminds me of a great old song by Neil Sedaka, Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Think you don't have this problem? What about all those stacks of stuff you've tolerated...you just hate to let it go. Since my parents have moved into assisted living, my siblings and I have been cleaning out years of accumulated possessions. I too have made tough decisions to let go of nostalgic things.
Do you remember that liberated feeling when you finally decide to free up that space and throw out your stuff? That's what I'm talking about. Freeing up space in your mind, your emotions and you mental processes.
What do you need to let go of? 3 easy tips to action:
1. Draw a circle
2. Divide it up into pie slices with the projects you are currently working
3. Is there a slice in there for your creativity or soul restoration?
March 2010 How's Your GPS Working?
While visiting with the grand kids recently, my granddaughter Jordan made a statement that had me laughing. I was walking with her to a favorite spot in the woods. She was on her little scooter. She looked up at me and said, "Did you know this thing has a GPS? It tells me where to go and what to do." I laughed at her imagination and made a mental note to share with her aunt Crystal. The more I thought about Jordan's childish wisdom, the more I got from it. We all have an internal Global Positioning System that guides us. It does tell us where to go and what to do; dependent on where you're located at the moment and the information provided. You can force it to go in another direction. It will simply recalculate the route via the new course you've chosen. Are you allowing your GPS to tell you where to go and what to do? How's that working for you? If it's not working so well, maybe you need to force it to change the route, or maybe you need to give it better data. A participant in a recent life purpose workshop said it "made me dig deep and answer questions about myself - questions that I had been running from. I can honestly say that the principles I learned in this workshop have changed my life. I am a much more positive person, and I feel like I am on a mission: I am focused and have a sense of purpose for the first time in a long time." Perhaps your inner positioning system needs a recalculation. Get positioned for success in your life and in your work by focusing on your strengths. Don't allow every wind of adversity to knock you off course, Get Positioned for Success with your internal GPS! Upcoming Life Purpose workshops this summer: at the Oak Ridge Library on June 6th and August 7, at Pellissippi State Community College. Give your GPS better information to stay focused on your purpose! January 15, 2010 A Perfect Fit An Ancient Story with 21st Century Application I've asked permission of a client to use his coaching experience. We started working together as he followed his dream of a new enterprise. He was wise enough to seek counsel to build a set of best practices, as well as a business plan...he's set a strong foundation. He's built this new career around his own values, skills, experience, and reliable feedback from other professionals. What's unique in this story? As we've worked together, he has narrowed his values to two that drive his life. When his values are violated, he is uncomfortable. Developing a lifestyle built on his values has been a source of strength and confidence for this entrepreneur. He has been able to identify that pinch that made him uncomfortable, throw off the situation that doesn't fit his current lifestyle. It brought to mind the story of David the lion slayer. His weapon of choice was a sling shot. It had served him well to fend off wild animals and he was confident he could defeat a giant. His superiors fitted him with a suit of armor and the best weapons available. David couldn't move with this uncomfortable foreign paraphernalia that was the acceptable best practices of his time. He chose to shed everything that strained, and use the natural talents, skills and values he had acquired in previous encounters. He could step out in confidence only in his natural gifts, not as was expected from others. What about you? Does your life fit who you are, your values, your talents and skills? When your core values are violated, do you get that pinched feeling...you're uncomfortable, non-productive, but you can't put your finger on the problem? Consider revising areas of your life that need to be tailored to fit. Action Steps: 1. Identify your core values 2. Begin the process of building a lifestyle on your values, purpose, talents and skills. 3. Weed out those things that don't fit A Whole New Year! January 1, 2010
Such a deal: we get to start all over with a brand new beginning. What do you want to accomplish in 2010? Fast forward to December. What is one key thing you want to happen this year? Taking small steps will help you work toward your goals and live life intentionally with a focused purpose. Along with small steps, think of one question you can ask yourself each day as a way to generate ideas and assess what you have done. January is a great month to plan a quick round of coaching on a particular issue or energy drain. Make room for a couple of coaching sessions during the beginning of the year to start 2010 with a real plan regarding a particular aspect of your life. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it We can customize a program just for you. Run with Purpose Yvonne December 16, 2009 Health to You If you're the glue that holds your family together, it would be to everyone's advantage for you to stay healthy through the holidays. Since we're all too busy, just a few quick tips from nurse Sharon Graham. 1. Get enough rest. Adequate rest is NOT an option during this stressful time. Be ruthless with yourself getting to bed by 10:30 each night. The body quickly succumbs to viruses and disease bacteria when fatigued. Early to bed and early to rise will help to keep you healthy, well, and wise. 2. Eat a healthy, high-protein breakfast. Think of it as trying to run your vehicle with the fuel tank on empty. By neglecting a healthy breakfast, we set the stage for an out-of-sync day with our metabolism! You'll end up eating unhealthy foods and feeling tired and irritable at those folks you wanted to enjoy. 3. Keep your fingernails short. (I would never have thought of this one!) If you were to have a microscopic look at the bacteria thriving in the dark, warm environment under your nails, you wouldn't hesitate to reach for the fingernail clippers. 4. One last tip. Don't drink your calories! Calories in beverages do nothing to increase your sense of being "full" and quickly add unnoticed calories which pack on extra pounds. Learn to prefer water. Give the gift of health to your family by taking care of you!
Sept 7, 2009 Today is labor day, a holiday and a break from our labor. Why not take the opportunity to spend time doing something that recharges your soul.
Let's Just Blow Bubbles (Ruth Reardon) SOMETIMES... Let's just blow bubbles, For no good reason Let's just blow bubbles, Laugh a little, watch them disappear Not even wonder where. Smile and touch the rainbow colors Watch them float in the air. No reason why- No goals, no structure. SOMETIMES... Let's just blow bubbles. Whether it's bubbles or sports, take care of you!
Resilience & Technology Pulitzer prize-winning journalist and author George Will said, "The future has a way of arriving unannounced." Our lives are in constant transition. I believe we must learn to maximize change. That's why I'm developing a new series on this subject and will be sharing my discoveries and thoughts with you. As always, I'm interested in what you think. One of the most noticeable changes has been the technology that has brought us screaming into the 21st century. Some are digging their heels against this swift progress with a preference for tradition. Much like the Comcast commercial: you know, the tortoise couple-the Slowskies-who really do not like moving fast. But most of us love the convenience of technology whether it's keeping in touch with friends and family with a few keystrokes or taking care of business from the comfort of home. Considering the speed of the information age brought a reality to me recently. It started with a friend connection on Facebook and an invitation to join a group from my home church. When I realized my heritage in that church went back to 1941, I was slapped in the face with the personal changes technology has brought to me. My maternal great-grandfather was a circuit riding minister in the hills around Chattanooga in the early 1900's. Even though he was blessed with nine children, he faithfully mounted his horse each weekend to share his good news message. My maternal grandfather was on the cutting edge of technology in the 1940's. Not only did he pastor a local church, he frequently spoke to large crowds on the streets of Lenoir City encouraging folks in a nation brought to its knees by war. They went to the people to connect, communicate and establish relationships. Doesn't it seem fitting that I'm drawn to the technology of today to spread words of encouragement albeit via internet communication?
Even though knowledge has grown exponentially with the information age, all of this can add up to overwhelm for an aging data collector like me. Do you ever feel you're drowning in a vortex of facts? If you're relating with the frustration of the changes in our world, I want to encourage you. I am on a quest to define resilience: what keeps us going when our lives are reeling, what makes us start over again and again. Yes, I've done it more than a few times. My desire is to encourage and inspire: to keep moving forward. Change is a constant. Learning to manage it well is our goal. Join me in the quest for resilience. To be continued . . .
The Resilience Factor
When you think about it, change is the only thing on which we can depend. It is going to happen. We know it, but we still resist it. What is it about change that gets our back up? Change challenges our security. We love our nice cozy comfort zones. They are so familiar and fit us like old shoes. We resist the new pair of shoes, because we know there will be a breaking in period. The same is true to changes in our life circumstances. What can we do to increase our resilience factor? What can help us bounce back when we’re knocked down, keep going when things are tough? One way is to realize that change is like a season, it comes for a period of time and then it changes again. It will not always be this difficult. The next wave of change will bring relief. Just like a long cold winter can change into a lovely spring bursting with color and new growth. Another alternate view of change is to perceive it as a growth opportunity. Imagine with me: you’re suddenly pulled out of a secure place into an unknown situation. You can ask yourself, “What is it I can learn from this challenge?” This method of assessing change can bring light into a dark place and restore your zest for life. The key is to make the choice to flip the switch rather than choosing to stay in the darkness of depression or negative self talk. How can we make the shift toward personal resilience? A huge step is learning to be intentional with our actions. Consider thinking about what you’re thinking about. I know it sounds strange, but when your thinking is affecting your mental state, change what you’re thinking about. That may mean changing what you’re listening to. You may even need to turn off the news if you find yourself depressed afterwards.) Your spiritual well-being is another area that can have a tremendous impact on maintaining resilience in your life. Spending quiet time each day in prayer or meditation is the most effective way to balance your spiritual energy with your physical energy.
Wildflower Hike April 09 Nobody but the adventurous or those who really like wildflowers would be hiking on a cold wet day like this morning. I'll admit to being both, but even that wouldn't have lured me today. It was the opportunity to meet and see a passionate person in action. I found Kris Light's website a few years ago while researching wildflowers. It is a wonderful resource (easttennesseewildflowers) not only wildflowers, but hiking trails as well. Kris Light is a naturalist and science teacher with the Oak Ridge Schools who Ive followed since accidentally finding her website. Even though it was drizzly and chilly, I was inspired by someone who loves what she does. Kris is all over the place pointing out the intricacies of the flora and even insects. An exhilarating educational experience!
Always Running Behind?
Sabbatical retreats began in Biblical times when every seventh year was a time to allow
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